Dunkin Donuts

written by: SAH

Have you seen the latest Dunkin' Donuts commercial on TV? The one with the "tractor beam" that scans kids and then pulls them towards a TV? The one where, just as the children are about to be consumed by the TV ala-Poltergeist, they are "saved" buy their dad, who walks in with a box on donuts? You know: This one.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love donuts. I would probably even go to a Dunkin Donuts if there was one located anywhere in my state, which there isn't. (And the absence of a DD in my state makes me wonder why I'm seeing ads in the first place. Who is doing their ad buying?) But it's not even the lack of donut availability isn't what bugs me most about he commercial.

Before I continue my critique I have to pause to give the ad agency that came up with the idea little credit. After all, I only watch TV with TiVo, which means that the only reason I've seen this commercial at all is because it was eye-catching enough to stop me from fast forwarding through it. So, it got my attention. Good job. Unfortunately, not all attention is good attention. Back to the critique...

What bothers me most about the commercial is the disconnect within the ad, its irony, that gets me. After the dad rescues the children from the TV (which is cloistered in a dark room while the parents were apparently bathing in the glowing sunlight of the kitchen) the voiceover kicks in: "Getting the family together. With a tasty donut from Dunkin Donuts, you kin' do it. American runs on Dunkin'."

It may be purposeful, but "getting the family together" is a tactic generally used to sell TVs. And, I'm not sure how substituting donuts (at least three per person by my count) for TV is a good alternative. And was the TV about to consume the children in the same way the children are consuming donuts? Eat or be eaten. How is substituting sloth for gluttony a good thing? (Again, don't get me wrong, I adore both sloth and gluttony — just not for kids).

So the whole concept strikes me as wrong: That TV was being used as a substitute for interaction with parents or sunlight, that eating a quantity of donuts equal in volume to that of your head is a good thing, that America "runs on" fluffy sugared pastries of no substance and marginal value. It seems almost mean, almost like a dig at the American people disguised as an ad. I'm not saying we aren't TV-addicted sugar freaks who can only tolerate the presence of others if food is involved. I'm just saying that having that rubbed in my face isn't what I like from my advertising. After all, if America is really running on donuts then, well, that's a problem.

I have one final issue with this commercial. The donuts.

Near the end of the commercial, as the family digs into the box of a dozen donuts like a pack of wild dogs going at a carcass — faces smeared with gore/chocolate — the little princess takes a bite, ripping away a bit of the donut's flesh. Thing is, it seems to tear with the same difficulty as a pork chop, instead of the ease of a delectable pastry. Just how old was that donut? Did dad, budget crippled by the economy, go the cheap route and buy day-old donuts? They look quite yummy in the box, but when I see that little girl struggle to bite through one, I wonder if they are really as tasty as they look.

Of course, I would love to find out for myself but as I said, there isn't one anywhere near me. Thanks Dunkin Donuts, I guess I'm going to be eaten by the TV instead.

Oh, and somebody, for the love donuts, stop shoving your face and save that dog!

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